How To: Recovery Without Meetings
I am “sober-sober”(since November 4, 2019) and have never attended any fellowship meetings or been through any program/steps.
I listen to Dopey, It’s All Bad, and Recovery in the Middle Ages every day during the early morning part of my work shift (4:30-7am) and always hear some message or piece of someone’s story that sticks out to me for reflection throughout the day. The feeling of compassion and shared humanity I get from these podcasts continue to be invaluable to staying sober and getting right with myself.
I do all the things that Jay mentioned: walk in nature (also hike/snowshoe for more of a physical challenge), roller skating (so funny he mentioned that one! I just started a year ago; mostly skate park type skating, but love to go to the roller rink with my daughters when I can), hitting the gym. Other similar things in my life are playing tennis, reading books, writing notes to myself when I get those “a-ha” moments, playing board games with my kids, practicing guitar. Prioritizing one of these every day is important. Too many days in a row without one of these happening gets me into some dark and unpleasant mental and physical spaces.
I do meditate for super short 5 minute periods twice a day, but wish I could get the space and create time in my life for a full hour like Mayra Dias Gomes! I also use that tool in the midst of hard moments; like something or someone is triggering my descent into character defects or old habits of mind and I remind myself that all I have to do is breathe. Usually that can open some space to look outside of myself and how I’m feeling and I can get a little shift going, at least to know I will be able to just let the moment pass. Or I use that opportunity to pause and drink some water. Sometimes those are the moments when the thing I heard someone share in the podcast earlier comes in handy as a re-focusing or tool for understanding.
I guess for me it’s two things: keeping it moving with positive habits and untying the knots of trauma/addiction/unhealthy behavior with reflection and compassion.
And then it’s just time. The more time I live past the last time I used drugs and alcohol, the more feeling of choice I have to not do that again.
So my message to Jay is, keep going. It sounds like you know what your things are and who you can trust to be real and supportive. Practice being real with yourself, staying with it when it’s uncomfortable. It’s like a muscle that gets stronger the more you exercise it. It’s not easy. But there’s a bunch of other humans out here who are working on it too.
In Community,
Dre